There is someone in my life who cannot spell to save her soul, and confuses her words regularly.  There are times much to her chagrin, that a laugh fest of epic proportions ensues at her errors – however, it also is part of her character, and the personality she shares when she enters a room. Salute to being unique.

Nevertheless, it is still a jungle out there for those who attain uniqueness, not the cookie cutter production line of personality and values, and there is nothing to laugh about when those qualities are shunned.

Several years ago, I was going through a serious emotional crisis, and after listening to me, a friend gave me sage advice:  In Time, you can even eat an elephant. I was reminded of that this past week, as Thanksgiving approached, a time when family gathers to pass that giraffe, talk turkey and hopefully not choke on too many words. I wondered who during that meal, if  anyone would pass the elephant.

Despite the 800 pound gorilla that stops in our lives at the worst time, always monkeying around with the facts, causing us to appear sheepish or bullish, depending on how much of that giraffe is left.  We do forget, it is really only the elephant that makes the difference.

What in the world does that mean you might ask? Well sit down and open the trunk of baggage you carry behind you, and look inside for a non-TSA reality check, and you will already know the answer. Along with your hairdresser – if they are even called that anymore.

I had thought it had been several months since my last trim, shocked when the stylist told me it had been almost 4 months.  Time moves a lot faster than an elephant, but it makes the same point even if it isn’t always herd, just like that little turtle chasing the rabbit, slow and steady gets it done. For example, it has now been months and years, since losing dear family members in my life, not the hours it still seems, and days which once seemed to go on forever, are now just a matter of time between waking up and going to bed.

The same can be said about how we treat the dynamics of relationships, friendships and just our own existence. Taking those people as a whole, no different than an elephant.  We chip away with thoughtless  or judgmental words, actions, or comments, one moment at a time, then one day, there is nothing left.  In an episode of M*A*S*H,  Klinger tried to eat a jeep in much the same way to get a trip home. One nut, bolt and fan belt at a time – he only got sick.   Maybe because in real life the nuts are harder to deal with before we can bolt for the door, and likewise, not all fans are welcome to the concert of our life.

So as you give thanks, look around and see what you have tabled over the years. Have you slowly eaten an elephant who should be sitting next to you, with that giraffe filled with laughter and whine? In particular those crazy pink elephants, who can make us laugh until we are drunk with happiness. Are your own moments fading away, because there is no one to share them, to pack them up in the old truck of memories for a day when you might need them again, when you will need  to feel loved, and know you mattered?

Each bite of the coming holiday meal will eventually end with you stuffed, not able to eat one more thing. Likewise, the same can be said after that last piece of pachyderm, when you realize all the drama is gone.  However, with it also went the dreams and delights, which made up the just desserts in the banquet of life.

Ex-stinks in the jungle, but only if you let it happen.

Admit it or not, we all need a fix

If you are like me, you remember the late (and gorgeous) Robert Palmer, singing in his MTV bound video, with  stoic models in black, with red lipstick on full lips (Pre-Twilight),  playing guitar. That clip still gets great comedy skit attention, as well as making you move to the beat. It was and is a classic –just like love.

Thing is though, no matter how much you want it, you cannot buy love (warned by the Beatles), force it, or just fake it.  In this lifetime we live, love is the one fragile element we hope finds us, and that we are ready for it,  if and when it does.  Sure, you can go to dating sites where lonely people make themselves  look good, hiding their faults and flaws, not unlike years ago, when the process started and you were matched to a 3×9 punched data card in a slot.  The only benefit  then, was the holes in the card were obvious, unlike the holes in the stories  now in online profiles.

If love does find you, there is a very good chance  it will end up dying, from all the toxic beliefs and traits we have assimilated in society.  The pure breath of innocent spring air, sitting under an apple tree on cool green grass, with that special somebody else,  has long since been mowed down.  At best, you might  be able to share a meal or smile, between texting and surfing, and wake up together with a smile.  If you get more, God Bless you.

Because love is such an untouchable state of being, when it is in our lives, we do everything to make it work (or appear to work) that we can.  Unfortunately, for a lot of us that leads to an addiction, which  changes our perception, values, morals and complete state of mind – just ask a stalker what’s  love’s got to do with it.  How many times have we heard irrational words from ex-lovers or children that feel they have been wronged, If I can’t have him/her/them nobody will!  And sadly, we usually see the newspaper (I’m old sorry) or  Internet headline saying,  no one got anyone, and someone is dead or in jail, and lives are altered forever.  There is nothing loving about that!

It is amazing how someone who is truly toxic in their beliefs or actions, can destroy another life or a family of them, just because they are in a family,  and everyone feels the need to love them to avoid being viewed as wrong. Such love is like a slow spreading terminal disease, continuing to breed through generations unless it is stopped.  If you are completely addicted, you’re too close to see it, as with any drug, and stand swaying in the blackness like guitar playing faces, red splattered around yourself, your family and friends, all who  have gotten too close. The end result, and all you will loose is tragic.

Sometimes we understand the addiction and  walk away, ignoring everyone we leave and enter an emotional rehab. If we stay clean, yes our lives are different, however, as with any drug, we fantasize or remember the high from a moment of acceptance, and will always wonder, what if I try just one more time.  There are also those who walk the fence, trying to stay away, knowing the risk, but occasionally fall off the wagon as they say, a red rider back to a childhood they wish they had experienced, dealing later, with the aftermath from what they actually did.

Addiction is an ugly part of our lives, and we all have one – food, drugs, pets, things, sex, work, ego, money and worst of all Love.  But because love is that unseen emotion, we don’t quantify it in the same way.  We put people on weight watchers, and some are mocked when they become obese, the wealthy are always looked at differently, when they spend $15,000 for a leather purse and we struggle with a $150 electrical bill – what is so different between the two people?  Just like love, they have it and you don’t.

We obsess over shows with people who hoard animals and possessions (ironically mostly trash), because it completes them.  Yet we don’t see right in front of our faces, what that same behavior in a family with bad love is doing.   We just keep putting it in a box, marking it and adding it to the pile.  In time, all of our space will be taken up by such piles, and there will be no room for real love to bloom – even if it could grow out of such a pile.

Life is a funny game, a series of unexpected twists and turns we never see coming, or those that we do and try to survive.  The best advice we give one another is to keep moving forward, forgetting the past and seeing each day fresh and positive.  We forget however, the majority of us will wake up after a traditional holiday lost week-end, with a message in a bottle and a broken heart, saying next time it will work out, next time we’ll all be a family – but truth is no one really gets the picture, because even though there are 3 step programs, there really aren’t any for those 3 little words.